About the only reason to get married

About the only reason to get married

preview-650x390-650-1449475652I have a son and I have a daughter. And I have my personal nightmare. It concerns the moment when my beautiful daughter, whom I wore in my arms, which I used to change diapers and with which we looked at the lights outside the window in the evening, will one day bring some, excuse me, idiot and say: “Dad, now this hedgehog will live with us".

More precisely - to live with us and sleep with her.

Almost certainly, for some reason, it seems to me that this guest not invited by me will be untidy, poor, badly brought up, he will have long uncombed hair, and his attitude to my baby will be far from as chivalrous as I would like. Yes, and he will have a mass of disgusting household habits.

In short, it will be my exact copy, adjusted for age.

And in order to reduce my own anxiety a little, while my eldest daughter is only eight, not to buy another Mauser and an evil dog, I will try to speak out loud - why, in fact, should she suddenly get married. By the way, the son, who so far only knows how to crawl and bite with three teeth, will probably also not be harmful to read this opus sometime in twenty years.

Although my dear father would try to write something similar for me - probably, I would not understand it. But still take the risk.

Let's start from the opposite. What reasons to marry / marry are not suitable categorically.

Minor reason number zero. You should not marry someone because he really wants it because he is sorry for him or because of any other people's desires. However, dear children, I am aware that you are not idiots and will not tell you in detail why you should not.

Body attraction

I know not one, not two, or even four couples who were married - if you remove the extra words - because you wanted sex, but without a stamp in your passport and ritual in the temple, convictions or strict parents did not allow. All these couples have either broken up or, as they say, “live very poorly”.

Just because sex in itself, generally speaking, rather quickly bothers and is not intended for a long pastime. Moreover, if it is as simple and natural as lunch, then it bothers even faster. For the sake of bodily pleasures, you can be together for some time, but not very long. If you plan to spend life together, then you should look for more serious reasons for this.

Any external circumstances

Age, pressure of others, instructions of the confessor, will of parents, successfully developing events, “signs from above” and other rapid flow tinsel. All these reasons for marriage are insufficient because they remove the responsibility for their choices from entering into marriage.

And in the future, when it becomes salty, they will certainly want to play back and hide behind the impenetrable wall “I didn’t decide this, it came together.” The only question is, who has the first nerves to pass, and both will be bad.

By the way, the marriage of "aerial" refers here. With the amendment that it will be bad already at least three.

Economic considerations

Marrying a rich man in the hope of his wealth and further carefree life is an act of selling, not love, and it’s not worth making - some things are not strong enough for us to sell them. This kind of thing includes, in particular, our soul, and marriage is more of a union of souls than bodies - any two people can share a common household or sleep together, and two friends can hardly be husband and wife.

However, if you still decide on such a deal - then it should be issued as a deal, with all the shameful details like the marriage contract.Otherwise, your counterparty is too strong a position legally, and morally, too, which, again, will end badly in a conflict situation.

Loneliness and feeling of lack of fulfillment in life

Usually, in such a situation, something opposite to the “fair deal” occurs, and the one entering into this kind of relationship initially plans to lose. When selling yourself for material wealth, a person tries to get more and evaluate himself as highly as possible, because the night is dark, the road is far, and the prospects are foggy and you need to have time to get your income as long as possible.

In the case, if a person is pushed to marriage by loneliness and fear, then he does not try to get the maximum, but “takes what is,” that is, he is satisfied with a minimum. "It is better this way than nothing at all."

Do not "get fooled" by this snag. Not at all better. To a difficult situation, when it is difficult, when it hurts, when cold nights and bleak days, such a union will not add anything - but it will take away the existing minimum of freedom and greatly reduce comfort. And since the resulting union will not be the union of two free, united by mutual agreement, but rather an act of mercy of one to the other, putting people in an unequal position, then the hopes for full respect will have to be seriously reduced.

It is worth marrying only in a situation when all these considerations are irrelevant. When the fire in the body is extinguished, when no one is dependent on anyone and will not depend materially, when everyone is, in which case, what to do and in addition to marriage.

Simply put, it’s worth getting married only when it’s not necessary. Marriage should be a luxury and a fad, a whim and an adventure, and not a solution to the problems of current or supposed, except, in fact, the problems of that “that we are not married”. If two people decided to complicate their lives so much that they didn’t just settle down together, but plan to live together for the rest of their lives, then this decision should be motivated solely from within.

By the way, keep in mind that a spouse is almost the only person in your whole life who will be with you. All the rest will enter your life and leave it with this or that functionality - a friend, colleague, a drinking companion. Your contact with all other people will be limited, and the marriage will have to deal with the whole person in its entirety, almost certainly - ugly.

Therefore, do not make your decision until you realize that you see a person in front of you,not his body, his brilliant prospects, his intellect, or his own comfort in his presence.

In marriage as such, there is actually no purpose other than the unity of people with each other - that mysterious unity, which is possible only between a man and a woman who make up the family, and which cannot be replaced by anything. Two friends are not marriage, and lovers are not marriage. And even friends who sleep together, or lovers who lead a joint household, - again, something is not right.

Therefore, dear daughter or dear son (well, all of a sudden you will read it), I can only give one clear advice - connect your life with a person only when you want to connect life with a specific person, and when this desire is free and clear.

Or so:

Once a long time ago a woman asked her man: "Why do you love me?"

At first he wanted to say that she is beautiful. But I realized that this is not enough: there are a thousand beautiful women. Then I wanted to say that it was because she loved him, but that was not enough - not only this woman loved this man. Then he tried to talk about the mind and about the sense of humor,and about delicious borscht - but the borscht in the restaurant was even better, and clever ironic interlocutors at that time could pave the road - so many of them divorced. And even the thoughts of how good he was with her turned out to be an incomplete truth - in the end, you can always find a better and stronger life. Even more so, the words that it is bad without it did not help.

And there is only one thing left.
He replied: "Because you are you."

That's when you can repeat, without self-deception and the desire to please someone, you probably should already get married. However, you, dear children, probably will not read all these arguments.

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